Dump The Expectations

A big part of this year has been puzzling. One period it was about happy moments, the other about grieving and losing people either to death or fall outs. I have been eager to put it all down in writing. But the effort to visit those parts of my memory drains my energy each time I want to type here. I become blank and left with a full bloated mind. Nothing seems to flow out in words. With the new year fast approaching (in a couple of hours) I had to constrain myself to share what has been mainly living rent free in my head in 2023.

For decades I find myself struggling with trust issues after hitting myself on the same rock of disappointments with the expectations I have of people. It infuriates me sometimes the way I mentally torture myself in particular situations not taking the red flags or signs serious. Also the self-critic in me does not understand when others are not bothered to perform at their best or keep to their words. Makes me wonder at times, are people’s (self) expectations that low, not present or lost?

Maybe the issue is that I am secretly expecting people to have similar core standards and values like mine. Straightforwardness, accountability, loyalty and honesty, among other things. These values I also apply in my work ethics. My word is everything! However, when working with people it is always good to have some kind of written agreement.

Early this year I supported a friend with a new business idea. I paid for a six months service. After 1-2 months that friend could not deliver anymore. The business ended before it even started. For the business to fold in less than three months made me question my own critical judgement to support someone with no commitment or patience to work long enough on their dreams. A solid foundation can’t collapse even if it is faced with trials and tribulations.

I know it is not realistic to think everyone has the same values. Yet, I can’t seem to learn that it is better to have no expectations to save me from unnecessary heartaches, since I am a people’s person. Recently, I watched different videos on Instagram about expecting the worst in a person rather than the best. Doing so there is no room for any disappointment when they don’t come through. For example, if a friend always arrives late to appointments (I am guilty of this). In 2024, starts to come early to every appointment. People surrounding that friend will become happily surprised, because the positive change was not expected. So, isn’t it better to be positively surprised and have no expectations of situations or people? It doesn’t mean that I will accept every behavior or circumstances because of no or low expectations. It means I will no longer let it bother me. I don’t have any control over it anyway. To live with no expectations and uphold my own (high) standards and focus less on what others choose to live by will bring me more (inner) peace. This is what I go for this year.  As I have written it off my chest, I believe I can carry it through.

Be good to yourself! Stay blessed and safe in 2024!

With love, Chi

Images are from:

Featured image by the one and only amazing Baloji – in the studio for the film Augure 2023

Image made by Oga Femi – work meeting Afropeans

Image made by Oga Femi – after workshop for digital skills organized by Afropeans

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